The grossest thing happened to me today.

So I've been showing my apartment for the past few weeks. Wade, my ex-roommate who is a terrible human being left his room looking like a mess. Which makes it really difficult to show his room. Today, since its the 27th and about the 27th time I've had to apologizes for his mess, I decided to clean it (I figured what was left was abandoned). I was putting things in a garbage bag when I dropped what I thought was a flashlight. I picked it up, and thought it was a weird shaped so I opened it. It was a mother fucking pocket pussy. I threw it on the ground and started screaming on the top of my lungs. I screamed "Kim, Kim, get the bleach! KIM KIM, Get in here." she was like "whats going on." I was like, "I don't want to touch anything, just get the bleach and pour it on my hands. And that fucker hasn't been in our apartment for three weeks, and wouldn't you know, as Kim is pouring bleach on my hands, Wade walks in. He goes in his room and starts laughing and is like thats what you get for going through my stuff. He's so lucky I didn't punch him in the face.